Why me?

Shrink! I really want to understand somethings. Like why people just ask me anything, and feel justified that I should know. The other day a chick I barely know was asking me where to buy good tyres. I replied her spontaneously, then asked her why she thought I would knw, and she said she just felt it. I let her go - she hadn't even remembered my name, but had traced my dorm room by department. And I only just started driving. Even i didn't know I knew where to buy tyres. Can somebody herlp me out here? Cos I get all sorts of questions all the time.
"What do you think I should wear to the party I'm going for tomorrow? Don't tell me you don't do parties, just tell me what is best!"

"My boyfriend slapped me yesterday. He's at fault. What should I do?"

"I might be pregnant. My period is due and I havent seen it. What should I do?"

"What should I buy for my brother's birthday?"

"Where can I get baby wear in the market?"

"How do I get to Eko market?"

"I heard some shares are on public offer, which one should I buy? When am I getting my money back?"

"What is the meaning of dividend? When do I get it?"

"Do you think my boyfriend's sister would mind if I insist we go out instead of going to pick her from school?"

There are so many cases where the answer is obvious but they just want ME to say it. Coupled with that, I am not up - to - date on fashion and stuff. I'm a retired tomboy, and just started wearing skirts this year. I just started experimenting with make up this year as well. So most of the girl questions are answered automatically but I wonder why the ask me.

survival important! Help!

You like him, he believes every word you say. He's a nice guy, seems to have all the right answers to questions, has a good nutty sense of humour AND understands your jokes (believe me, some guys don't think deep enough to). But he's way over there and you are here. You both communicate via the internet and the phone. Fine, you 'knew' each other a while back - 'knew' being the operating word, but 8 years is a long time and people change.

Ok, you decided to give it a try cos he came over and proposed, how exactly do you carry on a relationship via phone calls and a chat room?

i really want to know 'everything'. I broke up with my ex cos I didnt want to have sex (old - fashioned to the core, right?). This guy's being far away - within the same country anyway, seems a Godsend, but I am so used to hanging out with my bf all the time. Looking back I think I might have demanded too much attention (but I was justified, believe me - my ex turns heads EVERYWHERE cos he's 6ft6ins tall, and a perfect TDH (for y'all that don't know, that stands for tall, dark, and handsome)). HOW WILL I SURVIVE?

has it ever happened to you?

Well, I....it seems I love that word 'well'. Anyway, how did I do it? Let me ask a question: Have you ever done something that you wish you could undo? Something that happened and you were like, "Oh my God! I didn't mean it to happen like this". Something that you know will definitely be misunderstood, by onlookers or the party (ies) involved but there was no rewinding time?
Well that was what happened.
I kept telling this guy that even if it would hurt me, if I didn't feel I was the right wife for him, I was not going to date him, only for this to happen:
I'm chatting with him, and another friend, Martha. I havent called my friend in a long long while, and we hadn't met online for longer still, so she was escastic to hear from me. After all the 'You!'s and 'How could you abandon me like that?'s, we got down to business - see I am a shrink, well, sort of, so I get people asking me what I think and stuff.All the time - even when I don't figure how I seem to be the person to talk to. So there I was chatting up with my paddy and trying to understand the scenario, and on the other hand, asking him how the day was, when I get a call from my Mum.

Being in the vicinity, and knowing I'd miss my free ride home if I delayed too long, I began saying goodbye to Martha and to him. Martha was screaming for my 'blood' cos I got her started and I was running away, so I do what I always did to calm her down - I start telling her 'I love her' no matter the distance and blah blah blah.

In the midst of it I type 'I love you' to him instead.

Then I type 'ouch'.

He just froze. Didn't type anything. I buzzed him, twice, and all he replied with was, 'I'm still here'.

He usually calls in the night - around 1.00 a.m. but he didn't that night. I waited and waited. The next morning I sent him a text explaining the whole situation. THE TRUTH. He replied later in the day, saying he had been wondering what happened, that I sent him that. But he didn't say anything besides that, which, to me sounded like he didn't believe me, but was waiting for the real story.
By Wednesday, I just gave up - when he called in the night, I told him both sides were true - I meant to type that to Martha, and I love him.
ouch.

ok....I quit!

Well, I think I'm guilty of actually blogging in bits and pieces - am sorry for that. I would love to explain how it isn't really my fault and all, but if I transfer the blame to somebody else - y'all wont know the person so I think its better to just say sorry.
And each time I try to refer to the past, and then disappear for a while, the time in-between seems to stretch farther - so, no more flashbacks unless where necessary.

To bring u to the present, I have gotten tired of waiting for NUMBER2, so I have agreed to date NUMBER1. It seems logical to do that because the former hasn't said anything, he just keeps hinting and hinting, while the latter came all the way from Abuja and dropped a marriage proposal.I said yes two weeks Wednesday- 30th Aug to be exact. How did I do it? That is another blog topic!

Help! All my friends are getting married!

I don't know how to explain this but maybe if I explain where exactly
I am then you will understand.
Can you believe this? I finished High school in 2000, and did predegree
in Computer Science in 2001.
I entered the University in 2002, but with all the strikes here in Naija,
I am just finishing my degree
(a four year course in five years).
Now predegree was the place that I got to make so many female friends
- prior to that I didnt really
have any. By the time we finished the programme, I had about 18 fema-
le pals I could say 'hi!' to,
and learn how to wear make up and stuff.

This semester, which is the final semester for those of us that are doing
4yr courses, was a bit hectic.
Now about a month ago, on of my pals, calls me and says - "Dee, Lucy
s getting married in August, and
we all need to be there. I am in charge of the scarf, and the lace mater
-ial. When are you paying?'
It was a shock. But it only just started!
By the end of that week, three other pals were getting married. Now
everytime any of our male friends from predegree see me they ask,
"Dee, when r u getting married too?"
It is frustrating. All of a sudden I have to start saving a LOT of cash
to buy this person's gele, or that person's ankara, or this person's
damask. In a twinkle of an eye it seems everyone is getting married!
Does anyone ffel me on this?

well...we did get closer

ok...i think I'm spending too much time behind (I had exams so had to be away for a while!). Melvin was really in town. He came to my house on Saturday, and spent the whole day with me. It might sound so simple - you could be saying 'So?' right now, but consider this: I haven't seen him for close to nine years. And I had only been talking to him for about three to four months. Now I was actually seeing him and hearing his voice live. I was trying to be quiet and all, to observe.
The first thing I observed was: Dang, he's so cute! And he is a lot taller than I remember. He certainly is no sky-scraper, like my ex (who is 6ft6in tall), but he's comfortably taller. And he was also nervous. When he saw me, he was trying to read my expression, but I was smiling. I stretched out my hand for a handshake (silly, right?), and he gives me a hug instead. His hand was shaking.
He left a little late that Saturday night, and since he had gone to church in the morning, Sunday was a free day. I was even thinking he would use the opportunity to catch up with some of his pals, or that he was actually even using 'seeing me' as an excuse, but he kept insisting that that was why he came to Lagos. He's flying back first thing Monday morning.

He met my Mum, and she liked him. Commented on the 'skyscraper' thing.

The visit

On the side, I have been having a bit of fun. I fell sick, with Malaria (mosquitoes are plenty in my dorm room), and typhoid (I think its the new restaurant I tried that week). I lost a lot of weight, had to go home. But i returned to school, cos this is my final semester and I cannot afford to let anything tie me down.
My class organized a beach party - I dressed up and went, and had a lovely time. You know what they say about sin being sweet cos of the thrill of escaping discovery? Well, I had more fun bcos I knew no one at home knew. I didn't do anything stupid, like take alcohol or get caught in the corner with any bozo, I just had fun, watching the ocean and enjoying ribbing my classmates. We took tons of pictures.
Anyway, I get back to the dorm with the other girls and switch on my phone (which had been off to prevent my lying) and a call comes in. Melvin is in town! He had mentioned coming to Lagos to see me but I had silently cancelled that ever becoming a reality - he's in the working industry for God's sakes! Unless he's a secret heir to President Obasanjo's fortune, he can't just fly down to see me, and return to work after a few hours. If he could I would ask him to marry me straightaway!
He apparently considered the weekend. He called on Friday. And he said we had Saturday and Sunday to get 'closer'. Hmmmm........ i must admit, I was really nervous.

em...

Poetic justice, I get the vague feeling u think I'm in high school....I am in the university. I just referred back to when I met Melvin the first time.....

Progress

Jerry is on his industrial training. He calls almost every morning, even took time out twice to see me. It is funny really. Because he actually describes his work, and because we are studying related courses in the university, I can understand what he is saying.
Melvin is also there to consider, and I must say, I like Melvin - a lot. But I like Jerry more cos I can see him at least - we are in the same state. Melvin is so far away - I told him he was a voice on the phone once and he felt bad. What can I say? I cannot pretend its more than it is.

Ben..well, Ben is around now, but he had to go to Abuja, so he isnt in Lagos yet.
Of the three, Ben is the tallest, biggest, and most quiet. I wonder.......

Safe

To be on the safe side, I let him know I dont fancy long distance relationships, and I began to do what I do best - matchmake. I tried to tie him with babes we both knew, at home and abroad. He didn't bite. For the second time in my life, I was stumped at every trial.
I found out how funny, fun-loving, and extremely positive he is. He had been quiet back then and still was. But there's something he kept repeating, maybe unconsciously - the fact that he was a determined person, and he loved challenges. Melvin (not his real name of course) made it a point to know everything about me.

Then I began to like another guy in my school. Jerry is cute and reserved as well. It seems that apart from Mr Xtreme, I like opposites of me - quiet, and very reserved. hmm.....
Jerry and I met through a friend of mine, and we just loved to gist. The day his cousins saw us gisting, they had to come over to introduce themselves. According to them, Jerry talks only in monosyllables. 'Yes', 'No', 'Can't', 'Ok'. But he had been speaking to me for more than five minutes. It was funny really, because I could tell that there were so many sides to Jerry. He chose to show whichever one he felt was right.

Then there was Ben who I had been chatting with for two years. He had been a classmate of mine for a while, but he travelled. We had kept up the friendship. Suddenly, Ben says he's coming to Nigeria in a week's time. Well....He said he wanted to see me, and I told him to call when he landed. hmmmm........

I actually thought I loved Xtreme, but by the second month - April, I had my hands full!

The New Guy

Ok.... there i was, trying to face reality that Mr Xtreme was out of my life forever. I mean, he had literarily blown my mind. He was just what every babe wanted - and I had had him to myself for 8 months! I should just let go. I tried. Hard. Since I am still in school, I had something to keep my mind busy. I tried to concentrate on my books. But there was this new guy on my case - the one I had not communicated with for 8yrs. The one I didn't even remember speaking to back in High school then. I wondered why he kept calling and checking on me - as he put it. He began calling everyday, mailing everyday. We spent hours chatting, and chatting.
Now in Nigeria, calling Mobile phones for two hours straight will MOST DEFINITELY make a big dent in your pocket. After three weeks of this 'attack'. I asked him bluntly. 'What exactly do you want? I told him I had a recent 'past' I was trying to get over. He pretended he hadn't understood what I was trying to get across to him.
He lives up North, I live down South. I became comfortabe he couldn't possibly ask me for a relationship - I am not into long-distance relationships.
But the thot kept nagging me. A guy spends thousands of Naira every week just to 'check on' you morning, day and night (as my brother will say - the guy's investing a lot into your 'business'), and all he says is that he just wants a friend. What do you think?

How it happened

I'll be brief - He just stopped. He stopped calling, coming to see me, and everything. By this time, he had met my Mum, and she had liked him - a lot. Even my brother, who doesn't allow anyone near me unless he likes them, fell for him. But when he stopped, I tried to pretend it was ok. But you know what they say - those that are closest to you can always tell when something is wrong.

By March ending, I just gave up. Sent him a text. It was over. Pronto. I was realistic enough to see that. Now he's asking for my forgiveness, wanting to come back, but I ain't no fool. Not with what i have now.
Meanwhile..... I met this guy again online after ....um.....8yrs. We attended the same high school, but he was two yrs ahead of me. I had actually met him again before I got swept away by Mr. Xtreme. He's my exact opposite - quiet, too quiet - or so I thought. Besides, back in high school I don't think I ever said a word to him. He was always too quiet. When he asked for my phone number, I asked him why he wanted it. I didn't see what he needed it for, since we were barely friends. I hadn't the faintest clue however, of what the future was gonna be like.

Bringing you up to date

Well...
I should have started this blog since March, when things started to go rocky. I will just brush up on the past, for a little bit, before concentrating on the present. Right now not much is happening - exams are just a week away, so I might not have time to blog everyday.
PAST: I met a cool dude online in July last year. He was not so stranger-like, since he was a friend of a friend. It was love at first site - or so I thought, for me anyway. He's 6ft6in tall, dark and handsome, with a sense of humor to go with it (the typical TDH factor). Let's call him Xtreme. Xtreme, fell for my wit online, then when we met, he asked me out. We started dating not long after that - in August. He was so into me, I kept asking him for a long time - What exactly did he see? Because I am 5ft3in, a bit on the chubby side, while he was always being pestered by models and women EVERYWHERE. It didn't matter to some that I even existed. I guess I finally agreed to enter a relationship with him because - I didn't believe my luck. I stated before we started dating how antique I was on the issue of sex - I wanted that special part of me kept till that special night, after the wedding. He promised the whole world, planned our trip out of the country. I met his family - his sisters, aunts and uncles, and cousins. It was a dream really, because when we split, only one of them bothered to ask me what happened.
I guess everything still boils down to the physical for the higher male animals, because, after seven months of bliss, sex suddenly became an issue. I almost gave in. Almost.
I gave him an ultimatum - if I agree, there will be no turning back for either of us. That caught him in his tracks. As rapidly as he rushed me into the relationship, he cut off from me. After a month, I stopped asking what was wrong and started thanking God I didn't give in, because I realised that this would have been the end result anyway.